Deaths in Magic

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performer
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Deaths in Magic

Postby performer » December 20th, 2018, 9:29 pm

Since everybody in magic seems to be dropping dead lately I might as well add my name for the list. I should be dead within 24 hours and the prediction has been made by an expert. A doctor no less who is furious that I have signed out in a great big huff of his intensive care unit on the grounds that it was dreadfully boring in there and it was the doctor's pills that made me ill in the first place. I got a call this morning demanding that I get down to the emergency department of the hospital because my blood sugar was "dangerously high". I told them that I was perfectly fine but they assured me this was an illusion.

However since I deemed that I was more expert in illusion than they were and since I know it is usually the doctors who kill you in the first place I decided to escape the awfully boring surroundings and die in my own bed instead of the beds designed to kill me and profit the free Canadian health system , In truth I will die of boredom in these awful monotonous surrounding dreaming up curses to upset the unwary.

I have therefore stormed off in a huff. I thought all my enemies would like to know. That should at least please the Magic Cafe anyway.

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Re: Deaths in Magic

Postby Jack Shalom » December 20th, 2018, 9:42 pm

Mark, this is shocking news.
I hope your prediction is wrong and that you have many more years.
There are still generations of magicians to pester.
Get well soon, Mark.

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Re: Deaths in Magic

Postby JustinM » December 20th, 2018, 11:35 pm

Mark,

Get well soon and Merry Christmas to you!


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Re: Deaths in Magic

Postby I.M. Magician » December 21st, 2018, 2:13 am

Although I am not a doctor, I suspect that controlling high blood sugar is not that difficult although it may be impossible when YOU are the patient.

Maybe you should stop being so ridiculously difficult and allow the professionals to take care of the problem. Just attempt to find competent folks which may be much more difficult than actually taking care of the problem itself.

Anyway, we here at the forum have not given you permission to kick off just yet so stop the nonsense!

Well, there’s my two cents...

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Re: Deaths in Magic

Postby performer » December 21st, 2018, 3:30 am

It was a medical person who told me I would die if I came off the life intensement treatment. The trouble was that they never got around to telling me I was in a liife intensive unit until I demanded to go home. I figured that dying of boredom would be even worse than dying at home. and so far I am correct. Maybe I will drop drop dead later in the afternoon. Anyway someone sent me a video of my last performance which was last week. As a showman I insist you see me on the way out. If you watch carefully you will see symptoms of my disease. I find that very amusing for some odd reasons.

My family doctor will be suitably furious that I have stormed off in a huff. He says, "I always have to fight with you every time I see you!" I think the fact that I tell him that doctors are the ones who kill you sets him off.

Anyway here is my video from last week. Does it look like I am going to drop dead today?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vf6acu-PAM0

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Re: Deaths in Magic

Postby performer » December 21st, 2018, 4:10 am

Incidentally, the last move in that routine was invented by a female magician who worked with me . It easily gets the best reaction in the video. However the person in question will be furious if I announce her name so I am not going to mention it and take the credit all for myself. Serves her right.

She is VERY well known in the psychic business too but for some odd reason doesn't want it to get out even though lots of people know anyway. And she is highly regarded in that business too. Unlike me she is highly distressed if magiicians find out about it. Silly woman..................

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Re: Deaths in Magic

Postby MagicbyAlfred » December 21st, 2018, 7:22 am

Performer,

I fear that this Forum would lose a lot of wit and wisdom in your absence, so please do me a personal favor and stick around.

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Re: Deaths in Magic

Postby Tom Gilbert » December 21st, 2018, 9:29 am

Now Mark, take your medicine and stick around, things would be too dull.

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Re: Deaths in Magic

Postby performer » December 21st, 2018, 10:31 am

I DID take my medicine and that was a great part of me deciding to leave the intensive care unit as soon as possible. Now let all the kind spirited gentle people who care for my welfare know what the medicine was and they can let me know if they would be out of that intensive care unit as fast as posssible. Probably twice as fast as me. They put some horrible thing up my penis with no anaesthetic. I was screaming the place down. If I am daft enough to go back they will want to do it again. No thanks...................

I strongly suspect the medical staff there are moderators of the Magic Cafe.

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Re: Deaths in Magic

Postby I.M. Magician » December 21st, 2018, 10:41 am

Mark...please allow me to ask you this. Were you wearing that playing card vest when you arrived to the hospital? If yes, that explains why they conducted that procedure you described. :lol:

That vest is like a crucifix to a vampire. :shock:

Oh...and one more thing. That procedure is not medicine! :roll:

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Re: Deaths in Magic

Postby performer » December 21st, 2018, 11:41 am

I was NOT wearing that vest when I landed up at the hospital. I do realise that amater magicians of little experience in the ways of the world do not appreciate the reasons for that vest. I have never used it until the last few years when I did find it far more useful than I imagined. The more astute members here with half a brain will realise quickly the advantages of such a thing and I now know the advantages too.

They are advantages that earn me MONEY and since I rather like the stuff it is the option I prefer. In fact I wish I had preferred it far sooner. They are advantages handed down to me via Joe Stuthard via the Geniii Forum
and I have found them highly advantageous .

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Re: Deaths in Magic

Postby I.M. Magician » December 21st, 2018, 12:02 pm

I was just kidding so don’t get your blood sugar up any more than it already is now!

It was an honor just getting tongue thrashed by you so thank you so very much. ;)

Anyway, get your health in order so you can continue to verbally abuse some of us here on the forum. Most likely, a pill and diet change will solve the problem.

I wish you the best and please don’t be offended by my brand of humor. It’s an acquired taste... :D

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Re: Deaths in Magic

Postby Brian Douglas » December 21st, 2018, 12:45 pm

performer wrote:They put some horrible thing up my penis with no anaesthetic. I was screaming the place down. If I am daft enough to go back they will want to do it again. No thanks...................


Perhaps you sold them a Svengali deck when they were a kid...

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Re: Deaths in Magic

Postby MagicbyAlfred » December 21st, 2018, 12:47 pm

Well, i can say, categorically, that my "magic wand" is off limits to medical personnel - and it's non-negotiable!!!

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Re: Deaths in Magic

Postby I.M. Magician » December 21st, 2018, 1:16 pm

Most likely, they were prepping him for a place to channel his urine so he doesn’t soak the bed.

It’s not like they can do a levitation so they can change the bed sheets! So, instead of calling in a stage magician to perform the levitation, they prefer to collect it in a handy bag for easy disposal. TMI?

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Re: Deaths in Magic

Postby performer » December 21st, 2018, 1:55 pm

I think I am going up for easy disposal at the moment. Despite my seeming jocularity I am really not very well.

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Re: Deaths in Magic

Postby I.M. Magician » December 21st, 2018, 2:03 pm

Get to the hospital for care! Don’t you want to publish your Royal Road effort after all that work?

Now stop playing around and get over there immediately! I am not kidding!!!

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Re: Deaths in Magic

Postby chetday » December 21st, 2018, 2:38 pm

Mark, I'm not keen on doctors or hospitals, either, but my wife's been a Type 1 diabetic for fifty years, and if you're having serious blood sugar issues that you've not been able to normalize on your own, it probably is best to get back to the hospital where hopefully you'll receive the care you need.

There are many readers here on the forum pulling for you to get past this health problem. I'm certainly one of them, and I'm sending good vibes your way from down here in North Carolina.

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Re: Deaths in Magic

Postby performer » December 21st, 2018, 2:46 pm

chetday wrote:Mark, I'm not keen on doctors or hospitals, either, but my wife's been a Type 1 diabetic for fifty years, and if you're having serious blood sugar issues that you've not been able to normalize on your own, it probably is best to get back to the hospital where hopefully you'll receive the care you need.

There are many readers here on the forum pulling for you to get past this health problem. I'm certainly one of them, and I'm sending good vibes your way from down here in North Carolina.


I don't think anyone cares. I really don't. Anyway I am going outside just in case of the predicted coma so at least someone sees me drop in the street.

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Re: Deaths in Magic

Postby I.M. Magician » December 21st, 2018, 2:57 pm

performer wrote:
chetday wrote:Mark, I'm not keen on doctors or hospitals, either, but my wife's been a Type 1 diabetic for fifty years, and if you're having serious blood sugar issues that you've not been able to normalize on your own, it probably is best to get back to the hospital where hopefully you'll receive the care you need.

There are many readers here on the forum pulling for you to get past this health problem. I'm certainly one of them, and I'm sending good vibes your way from down here in North Carolina.


I don't think anyone cares. I really don't. Anyway I am going outside just in case of the predicted coma so at least someone sees me drop in the street.


Maybe you haven’t read the posts here Mark. Plenty of people care and you should care the most! Let the doctors do what they must and get you back to a healthier state. You’ll be glad you did I assure you!

We still haven’t met for a cup of coffee and some small talk yet. Get better and then we can do that. I am extremely interesting and very knowledgeable you know...

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Re: Deaths in Magic

Postby Brian Douglas » December 21st, 2018, 6:54 pm

Image

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Re: Deaths in Magic

Postby I.M. Magician » December 21st, 2018, 8:14 pm

So it has been more than four hours since Mark said he was stepping outside for visibility in case of an incident.

It’s a bit cold outside where he lives so he can’t still be out there unless he has turned into a human ice cube. Therefore, he came to his senses and returned to the hospital for care or is back home waiting for something bad to happen to him.

In any case, he should be courteous and come on here to let us know what the heck is going on. Let’s go Mark! Inquiring minds want to know...

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Re: Deaths in Magic

Postby performer » December 22nd, 2018, 4:14 am

Brian Douglas wrote:Image


That picture is EXACTLY what the place looks like! It has scared me off going back and has brought back horrible memories involving genitals which are most discouraging.

I wish to announce that I am still alive but there have been rather unhappy results with my eyesight. Some lack of quality in my vision. I shall have to make decisions about all this tomorrow. I am also experiencing forgetfulness. And of course everywhere is closed now because of Christmas which I have always thought should be banned.

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Re: Deaths in Magic

Postby Tom Gilbert » December 22nd, 2018, 7:54 am

Mark the vision might tie into what's going on with your insulin levels, you should get checked out. I know it's not pleasant, but the alternative may be even less appealing.

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Re: Deaths in Magic

Postby performer » December 22nd, 2018, 8:06 am

In that case I had better find a doctor on a Saturday. I suppose I could phone the horror chamber and beg to be let in again. I really don't want to though. All it would do is prove to them that I am still alive. Not much of a victory though.

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Re: Deaths in Magic

Postby Tom Gilbert » December 22nd, 2018, 8:32 am

Always better to get something taken care of earlier than later.

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Re: Deaths in Magic

Postby performer » December 22nd, 2018, 9:09 am

They did take care of me earlier and made things worse. They kept telling me I was seriously ill when I felt perfectly fine. So I wasn't psychologically ready for their torture chamber. Most people enter these torture chambers when they are well aware they are ill. These bastards have now made me ill by telling me that I am. I have always said that it is the doctors who kill you in the first place.

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Re: Deaths in Magic

Postby MagicbyAlfred » December 22nd, 2018, 9:28 am

Are there not any walk-in or immediate care clinics - something short of going to a hospital, where one can get his blood sugar/insulin levels checked and/or other care? Or is it different in Canada than in the States?

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Re: Deaths in Magic

Postby performer » December 22nd, 2018, 10:01 am

In the States I would be dead by now. I am well aware how good Canadian health care is. I would have to pay a massive bill in the US and wouldn't have insurance. Horrible system you have.

Anyway here is the latest update:

I just got a call from the head of the intensive care unit BEGGING me to come down to the hospital again. She says if I don't I will die since my kidneys are shutting down. It seems I have no choice. She does say that they will accept visitors any time and no appointments need to be made. I will be a patient again by this afternoon. Incidentally anyone local is invited to visit me without any appointment being made. I will be at the intensive care unit of the Western Hospital. I welcome visitors. One of the reasons I stormed out is sheer boredom,

Anyway I am at the Western Hospital intensive care unit. It seems that I am in danger of death within a very short time if I don't follow their instruction. It was a Scottish doctor who said "We Scottish are very blunt and I am telling you that your situation is very dangerous" I will be a patient again by 2pm.

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Re: Deaths in Magic

Postby Tom Gilbert » December 22nd, 2018, 10:28 am

Good decision Mark.

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Re: Deaths in Magic

Postby Dave Le Fevre » December 22nd, 2018, 11:08 am

My very best wishes to you, Mark

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Re: Deaths in Magic

Postby I.M. Magician » December 22nd, 2018, 12:47 pm

Very happy to hear that you came to your senses Mark. Oh...by the way...remember that video you posted of a little girl staring with disappointment at the Svengali deck you just sold her? Well, she is now all grown up and has become a registered nurse who has been given charge of your care. :D

Just kidding of course but you never know. :o Anyway, I wish you a speedy and full recovery and for goodness sake, do what they tell you! Being stubborn doesn’t work well in hospitals...

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Re: Deaths in Magic

Postby chetday » December 22nd, 2018, 12:54 pm

Mark, I'm so glad to hear that you've checked back into the hospital. From my own experience with my wife's diabetes, you absolutely did the right thing. I'd come visit you in a heartbeat if I didn't live in North Carolina. Alas, I do live in North Carolina, so I'll have to settle for sending good vibes your way.

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Re: Deaths in Magic

Postby Brian Douglas » December 22nd, 2018, 2:05 pm

Image

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Re: Deaths in Magic

Postby MagicbyAlfred » December 23rd, 2018, 11:33 am

Has anyone seen or heard from Performer? I assume not, since no one has posted, and his silence is uncharacteristic and ominous. The inference being that he is back in intensive care, where he would be highly unlikely to be on line - hopefully, not even worse... :o
Saying a prayer for him today.

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Re: Deaths in Magic

Postby I.M. Magician » December 23rd, 2018, 11:42 am

Perhaps his cell phone is in need of a charge. Let’s hope his silence is nothing more than that and he is doing well and of course, driving the staff crazy. Maybe reading nurse’s palms and complaining aloud much of the time. :lol:

I wouldn’t be surprised if he insists that someone lend him their cell phone or computer so he can get on here soon. Anyway, let’s hope so...

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Re: Deaths in Magic

Postby MagicbyAlfred » December 23rd, 2018, 11:53 am

Yes, let's hope so. Or, maybe, too busy right now pitching Svengali decks to the staff, patients and their families...

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Re: Deaths in Magic

Postby Ian Kendall » December 23rd, 2018, 5:19 pm

I just got off the phone with Mark. He's out of Intensive Care, and in the Emergency ward now. He has no internet access, so he can't see any of the messages here, but he asked me to pass on his thanks for everyone who has responded.

He sounded about as cheery as is possible (ie, the usual grumpy bar steward), but not too down.

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Re: Deaths in Magic

Postby Joe Naud » December 23rd, 2018, 11:30 pm

Mark, get well soon. Besides your sunny personality we need your Royal Road book.

Peace, Joe

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Re: Deaths in Magic

Postby chetday » December 24th, 2018, 2:03 pm

Ian, thanks for the update on Mark. I'm very glad to hear he's out of the intensive unit. Hopefully, he's on the royal road to recovery and will soon be back online.

I was going to try to give Mark a call from North Carolina, but I don't know his cellphone number (couldn't find any contact info on his websites) and am wondering if the Western Hospital (is it in Toronto?) has a landline phone next to every patient bed? I'm getting to be so darn old and out of touch I don't even know if hospitals still provide phones next to every patient bed.

Anyway, Mark, if you're on the mend and able to read this, I'm still sending good vibes your way.


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