You Might be a Magician if ...

Discuss the latest news and rumors in the magic world.

Postby Guest » 08/15/07 12:30 PM

You might be a magician if

Your best pickup line is "Pick a card."

You are in the ladies section of shops waving silks up and down to see how they move.

You tell bad jokes 75% of the time.

You pay $50 for a $1 coin.

A "shell" is not something found on a beach.

You think David Blaine sucks (cmon how true is this!!!).

You wont play card games with your cards.

Your girlfriend knows the sound of riffled cards over the phone.

You force your wife to take fertility drugs, so you can do those illusions that use twins....

You see a beautiful woman and think if she will suit your act.

While watching a movie or TV, you have cards in your hands.

You pose for a photo with one eyebrow raised!

You know who Brad Christian is and you always wonder if hes gay or not.

Your Christmas/Birthday wish list looks like a magic catalogue.

If you've ever been asked the question "can you make my wife disappear"?

Magic turns you on more than women do.

Youre back-ordered for rabbits and doves at the pet store.

You spend more time in front of a mirror than your girlfriend does.

Your twin boys are named Siegfried and Roy.

You use the word "effect" rather than "trick".

You drive 300 miles round trip to visit a teeney-tiny store.

You have over 100 responses to the phrase "How did you do that?"

Theres a pack of cards in sight as you read these words.

You're holding a fan of cards in every photo that you're in.

You actually want to go to a lecture.

You have a dog named "Houdini".

You record every magic special on TV.

You show your girlfriend the same trick everyday insisting that "I've improved it greatly".

You wear playing card pajamas.

You get emotional when shuffling a new deck. (So true!)

Anytime you see someone you want to meet, you start rolling a coin or doing one-handed shuffles with a deck.

You have more than three decks of cards on you at any given time.

You are the only one of your male friends that has a nice "silk collection".

You introduce your wife as "My assistant."

You wear black on the Anniversary of Houdini's death.

No one will play cards with you....ever.

Your idea of the perfect proposal is Copperfields 'Rose to Ring'

All your friends call you when magic is on TV.

You have more decks of cards than a casino.

The post office calls to tell you that you have ANOTHER package in.

You are laughing at these, because you actually know what they mean.

Your entire friends name starts with "The Amazing" or "The Great".

After viewing magic on TV, everyone in the room looks at you asks, "How'd they do that"? And, all you do is smile and say, "It's really easy if you think about it, but magicians can't tell." And you're really thinking "How the heck did they do that"?

You have your local magic shop on speed dial.

You can lose your thumb and you visit the magic shop instead of the emergency ward.

Your wife tells you "we are going out to dinner, now dear, please leave your toys at home".

You pay to see a lecture, buy a written version of what was just demonstrated to you, and then buy a manufactured version of something in the notes.

You pay $60.00 for a book and get, possibly, one or two useful things out of it and you're happy.

You have so much magic stuff in your room that its considered a fire hazard.

You are the only guy dragged into the women's clothing store and not bored to tears because you plant yourself in front of a mirror and check the angles on your coin moves.

You have more elastic bands than a stationary shop.

You spend hours trying to rearrange the letters in your name to use on stage (only to come back years later using your real name).

You tell people that you do "mind reading" and then ask what they do.

You bring your topit or pull to class on exam day incase you need to make an "emergency vanish".

You don't mind kissing a dove.

It really matters to you how someone shuffles your deck.

You have more sets of Handcuffs than the entire police department.

You expect people to think it's magic when it took you half an hour to set up.

You own a dozen thimbles and can't sew.

Your child constantly checks behind his ear for money when in a candy store.

You own a top hat, cape and cane and have never gone to the opera.

You began demonstrating the mysteries of ancient China at the age of 9.

When you come to visit, your friends hide all the silverware and bring out plastic ones.

Your Can of Soda keeps popping out, refilling and resealing itself.

Someone actually hands you a fork and says please bend this.

You say 'hows tricks?' to a friend and get a 2 hour lecture.

You ask every waitresses you meet "do you have a minute"

There's a pack of cards in sight as you read these words.

You pretended to be insane just to get the straight jacket.

You can say "I will now penetrate ..." with a straight face.

The talent show judges throw money into your hat.

"Bikes and Hos" is not a funny phrase to you.

You spend the most money on things that other people arent allowed to see.

The majority of your English papers are about magic.

You have one or more chipped teeth from biting the wrong quarter.

You never throw out old decks because you "can make something out of it".

You carefully watch a card-playing scene in a movie only to see what kind of cards theyre using.

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Above was forwarded to me. Unsure of its source / origin ...
Guest
 

Postby Guest » 08/15/07 01:41 PM

Hi.

Had to comment on a couple of these....

You tell bad jokes 75% of the time. - Hardly limited to magicians.

You pay $50 for a $1 coin. - Truth is that the guys at the coin shop think I'm nuts because I want to rummage in their junk drawer for "quiet" coins that match.

You wont play card games with your cards. -
When I first started doing magic, I didn't realize there was a difference between decks of cards. Now, I only play cards with old decks.


Your girlfriend knows the sound of riffled cards over the phone. - Ahem! Some of us have boyfriends. ... or are at least looking for one....

Your Christmas/Birthday wish list looks like a magic catalogue. -
Nah, can't do that to my non-magic friends and family. They just get me gift certificates to buy my own magic stuff.

Magic turns you on more than women do. -
Magic definitely turns me on more than women....for me, however, there are some men who....ah, never mind.

You drive 300 miles round trip to visit a teeney-tiny store. - I'm lucky. I get to work at the teeny-tiny store....though not all that small actually.

Theres a pack of cards in sight as you read these words. - Not in sight. They are in my purse. Actually, I have 1 stacked deck (Nicola), one deck set up for another trick Aldo Colombini taught me, and a mental photography deck...on and there are two packet tricks...and I'm not really into cards. Go figger.

You're holding a fan of cards in every photo that you're in. - lately, rubber bands, or puppet eyes.

You are the only one of your male friends that has a nice "silk collection". - I'm the only female among my friends who knows that sponge balls are not a painful condition guys from which guys suffer.

You pretended to be insane just to get the straight jacket. - Pretend????

Some other things you missed in your list...
You have friends who let you run them through the neck with a sword.

You own one or more guillotines or devices whose purpose is to remove bodyparts.

You own a video camera that gets constant use, but never take it on vacation or break it out at family celebrations.

I.B.M. doesn't make you think of computers.

I.T. also doesn't bring computers to mind.

You know the Magic Castle isn't in Disneyland or Disneyworld.

You have challenged someone to find a trapdoor in a piece of rope.
Guest
 

Postby Guest » 08/15/07 01:44 PM

--The phrase "beast with two backs" reminds you of a Paul Harris trick instead of sex...

--You utilize a thumb-tip to hide cheat-sheets for use during your Final Spanish-3 Exam. (Aced it--Muchas gracias Vernet!)
Guest
 

Postby Guest » 08/15/07 02:23 PM

Originally posted by Craig Mitchell:
You are the only guy dragged into the women's clothing store and not bored to tears because you plant yourself in front of a mirror and check the angles on your coin moves.
Last Saturday. And in two shops. Oh dear.

Dave
Guest
 

Postby Guest » 08/15/07 04:10 PM

Thanks very much for this. I had a really crappy day at work and on top of that my 16 year old son is about to learn that sometimes those guillotine illusions can go wrong!!! Thanks for the laughs I really needed it.
Peace, Joe
Guest
 

Postby Guest » 08/15/07 04:19 PM

Remember that it's easier to clean up after guillotine "errors" if you work on a tile or linoleum surface. Steer clear of carpeted or wood floors when "practicing" on your teen.
Guest
 

Postby Guest » 08/15/07 06:52 PM

Note taken!! LOL :)
Guest
 

Postby Guest » 08/15/07 09:30 PM

You've considered sawing at least five of your girlfriends in half before things go south....
Guest
 

Postby Guest » 08/16/07 07:18 AM

Craig, Hilarious! Can't stop laughing, Thanks!
Guest
 

Postby Guest » 08/16/07 07:50 AM

You carefully watch a card-playing scene in a movie only to see what kind of cards theyre using.
...and I thought I was the only one!!! <grin>

Great list!!!

Adrian
Guest
 

Postby Guest » 08/16/07 03:37 PM

mentioned this thread to a friend who sent me the following:

You might be a magician if you:

buy two decks of cards just to make one performance deck with a dupe card

practice cuts/florishes while you're on the commode.

Have one or more decks of cards, half and/or silver dollars, and rubberbands on the back of your toilet.

sleep with deck cards on the night stand.

if you ever Hindu shuffled a stack of business cards or coasters

if you have ever faro shuffled a stack of poker chips.

if you back palm theater tickets while waiting in line.

if you find decks of cards in places you put them by mistake - the butter keeper, the glove comparment, behind the couch,... and didn't miss them because you have so many decks of cards you don't miss one.

if you pressure fan dollar bills.

if you've ever looked down to realize you were trying to do a charlier with your wallet instead of the cards you thought you had.

if you get to the store and realize that it's not your wallet in your back pocket, it's a deck of cards.

if you find yourself classic palming Oreos

if you have to check as you're paying at the store that you're not giving the cashier the wrong coins.

If your credit cards have to be replaced because you took off your PK ring and put it on top of your wallet on the nightstand while you slept.

if you freaked out the cashier at the grocery store when your wallet burst into flames.

if you freaked out the cashier at Target when you put blank paper into your money maker, pulled out a $20 bill, and announced, "It's okay. This is one of those good printers that prints both sides....See, it's dry already."

If your shoes tie themselves, and your money folds itself.
Guest
 

Postby Guest » 08/16/07 05:03 PM

Here are a few more (of a theme) that occured:

--You have accidently spent gimmicked coins (dimes and pennies, shim coins, etc.) while making purchases (as alluded to above)...

--You have made purchases using bills with various peoples' names boldly written across their faces...

--You have made purchases with bills that were many pieces taped together, or otherwise defaced (punched with holes, illustrated with sunglasses etc.)...

--You have made purchases by breaking open a pack of Lifesavers and paying with the money you find rolled-up inside, to freak-out cashiers...
Guest
 

Postby Guest » 08/16/07 05:40 PM

--You never leave home without a kit of supplies that would make MacGuyver and James Bond jealous, including but not limited to: wax, putty, invisible thread, dental dam, orthodontic rubber bands, Sharpies, rubber cement,...
Guest
 


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