Start the show by saying that you have a letter from someone or other telling you about the birthday child.
Remove an envelope with a letter inside. This can be any old letter typwritten or handwritten. In a pinch I have just used an instruction leaflet from some trick or other.
Tuck the letter under your right arm momentarily and say "boys and girls, someone sent me a letter.Shall I see what the letter says?" The kids yell "yes" Of course you cannot find the letter. "what did I do with the letter?" you plead.
Look around wondering what you did with it. The brats will yell "under your arm" say "under your arm? What is it doing under your arm?" They will yell "no under YOUR arm" You say "that's what I said "Under YOUR arm"
After a bit of this byplay you catch on to what they mean.
Look under your left arm. No letter. Say "there nothing under my arm" They will yell "No! the other arm!" You can now draw this out by saying "which other arm? YOUR other arm" and go through that nonsense again.
Finally, you look under the lower part of your right arm. The kids will yell "no! Higher up" You say "higher up? what ? On the ceiling?" Look up at the ceiling.
The urchins will now shout "no. Higher up under your arm!" Lift up the arm letting the letter drop to the floor. Now check under your arm. You will hear yells of "it's on the floor" You mishear and say "on the door? what's it doing on the door?"
Then take a step back and stand on the letter covering it. Time it so that you do it as the kids are shouting "it's on the floor!" When they see you stand on the letter this will change to "you're standing on it" You then counter by saying "of course I'm standing on the floor. Where am I supposed to stand?"
As you look down you will see no letter since your feet are covering it.
You will hear shouts of "you're standing on the letter."
Step forward in front of the letter and say looking down "I'm not standing on the letter."
They will shout "behind you!" Eventually you find the blooody thing. Pick it up saying "it's a long way down" and on the way up say "it's a long way up" It will be if you get to my age.Going down to the floor and up again is hard work.
You now say "someone sent me a letter. I wonder what it says" You now draw all this nonsense out further by removing the letter from the envelope and look at the blank side that has nothing written. You say "there's nothing here" The kids will say "on the other side" You look at your side peering at your ribs. You will hear "the side of the paper" You look at the SIDE of the paper looking puzzled. Or you can look at the envelope since that is
Eventually you read the letter and complain that it is written in Chinese. Then realise the letter is upside down.
Now you just come out with some waffle about what the letter allegedly says.
This is one hell of an opening sequence. You will get the kids warmed up straight away. It may be advisable to follow with something a bit quieter since the kids will now be a bit hyper.
5 minutes of nonsense and you haven't even done a trick yet.
There we are. A sample from my no-magic magic show.