A lovely film, Tom, obviously heartfelt.
"Loser"? I don't think so. You've lived a life devoted to your passion, have seen some incredible things, got to know some unusual and talented people.
I think you were (or are) going through a 'down' period, as we all do. I used to go to Tannen's every week and sometimes would see a kid showing off some bad magic and domineering the shop, often when someone like Frank Garcia was there, being quiet. I used to tell Frank, "I gotta get out of magic." He just smiled that enigmatic smile he had.
Maybe you're just putting too much chili sauce in your noodles.
Thanks for the movie.